If God dwells inside us, like some people say, I sure hope He like enchiladas, because that's what He's getting! 4 I hope some animal never bores a hole in my head and lays its eggs in my brain, because later you might think you’re having a good idea but it’s just eggs hatching. By using LiveAbout, you accept our, 'Saturday Night Live' Sketches Made Into Movies, 25 Hilarious Yearbook Quotes That Belong In The Smart Ass Hall of Fame, A Father's Guide to Managing Stress at Home, The Best Saturday Night Live Christmas Sketches, 20 Stand up Comedians Who Totally Get What It's like to Be a Parent, The 25 Best Satirical News Articles from 'The Onion', Lee Trevino Quotes: 30 Great Quips About Golf and Life, The Best Quotes From and About the Legendary Madonna, 25 People Who Accidentally Found Their Doppelgangers at the Museum. Joke from Jack Handy For instance, I was going to take my nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse.

I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but it was getting pretty late. He's a writer who also worked on some very funny SNL sketches like (a personal favorite of mine) "Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer" and "Toonces the Driving Cat.". His website also offers humorous articles written by Mr. Handey himself, plus his short Fuzzy Memories videos resurrecting the past. Born in Texas in 1949, Jack Handy had his first book published by National Lampoon in 1984. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they’d never expect it. 10 If your friend is already dead, and being eaten by vultures, I think it’s okay to feed some bits of your friend to one of the vultures, to teach him to do some tricks. If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." Items on the Best Quotes by Jack Handey Deep Thoughts top list are added by the rankly.com community and ranked using our secret ranking sauce. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad. Originally, the Deep Thoughts bits featured the voice of Phil Hartman (RIP) in the introduction, then Jack Handey, REAL GUY, would read the surprising, iconic, and always hilarious statements. to help give you the best experience we can.

That way, if anybody says, "Hey, can you give me a hand?," you can say, "Sorry, got these sacks.". We might, if they screamed all the time, for no good reason. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. Jack Handy is a not-so-famous comedian who’s surrealistic one liner jokes entitled “Deep Thoughts” were made much more famous than he ever was by the television show Saturday Night Live.Born in Texas in 1949, Jack Handy had his first book published by National Lampoon in 1984. First of all, who knew that Jack Handey, made infamous by the Saturday Night Live "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey" bits from 1991 to 1998, was a real guy? Nov 2, 2019 - Explore Cathy's board "Jack Handey Deep Thoughts" on Pinterest.

Joke from Jack Handy That's right, I'm about to blow your mind. Find Cash Advance, Debt Consolidation and more at Quotephotography.com.

He's also a scriptwriter and actor with over 20 years of experience in those fields. Trust me, it’s not. Joke from Jack Handy All of these quotes are replicated here courtesy of Jack Handey's Official Website. Daniella Tjahjanto has uploaded 193 photos to Flickr. Best Quotes by Jack Handey Deep Thoughts is a public top list created by Listnerd on rankly.com on September 16th 2013. “Oh no,” I said, “Disneyland burned down.” He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. And since he’s so busy, you’d probably have to run up to him real quick and hand it to him. 3 Instead of having “answers” on a math test, they should just call them “impressions,” and if you got a different “impression,” so what, can’t we all be brothers? 14 One thing kids like is to be tricked.

Jack Handy is a not-so-famous comedian who’s surrealistic one liner jokes entitled “Deep Thoughts” were made much more famous than he ever was by the television show Saturday Night Live. One thing kids like is to be tricked. And no paint, because he had whittled off the paint.

Saturday Night Live used to include these very short bits in between their comedy sketches. * If I ever get real rich, I hope I'm not real mean to poor people, like I am now. It's true! A Little Background on Deep Thoughts. Joke from Jack Handy Then it wouldn’t seem quite so funny. Joke from Jack Handy

* If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let'em go...because man, they're gone! "Oh, no," I said, "Disneyland burned down." 6 If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, “God is crying.” And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, “Probably because of something you did.” Joke from Jack Handy In fact, they're kind of scary. "Somebody told me it as frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but when I told that story around the campfire, nobody got scared."

9 I remember how my great-uncle Jerry would sit on the porch and whittle all day long. To me, it's always a good idea to always carry two sacks of something when you walk around.

Here are a few Deep Thoughts to remind you of why they're awesome.

Posts about Jack Handey [Deep Thoughts] written by Jennifer Bichara. See more ideas about Deep thoughts, Thoughts, Deep thoughts jack handy. Here are Jack’s thoughts on money. Relaxing music played over pastoral scenes, increasing the feeling that you were watching a very Zen relaxation video... yet when coupled by the acerbic thoughts of Jack Handey, REAL GUY, the quick sketches became a favorite among viewers. On the website Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey, the funny moments live on even decades after the segments stopped airing on SNL. I started to drive over to the real Disneyland, but decided to go home instead. Actually that sounds super fun, perhaps I should hold it sooner… hmmmm. Joke from Jack Handy After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. See more ideas about Deep thoughts, Thoughts, Deep thoughts jack handy. I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. Aug 13, 2020 - Explore Betty Joy Kester's board "Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey", followed by 121 people on Pinterest. I can’t stand cheap people. Joke from Jack Handy 5 As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. On the site, Jack Handey still doles out his satirical observations and much sought after "inspirational" quotations. I’d rather be rich than stupid. Joke from Jack Handy. I just think, why did they believe me? - Jack Handey. Joke from Jack Handy Once he whittled me a toy boat out of a larger toy boat I had. But then I think, what if I was an ant and she fell on me.
7 To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there’s no music, no choreography and the dancers hit each other. Joke from Jack Handy It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear. Sometimes it seemed that way. Joke from Jack Handy Apparently he has also published a series of articles in the New Yorker and several books. Joke from Jack Handy 12 I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. Get the best of Insurance or Free Credit Report, browse our section on Cell Phones or learn about Life Insurance. Joel Gross is the CEO of Coalition Technologies. 13 I believe in making the world safe for our children, but not our children’s children, because I don’t think children should be having sex. Mike Durrett has spent more than a decade writing about comedy on the web. And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did.".

Joke from Jack Handy He cried and cried, but I think that deep down he thought it was a pretty good joke. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him to an old burned-out warehouse. To me, clowns aren't funny. This article was updated by Beverly Jenkins on November 15, 2016. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? 2 Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. 16 If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? Saturday Night Live used to include these very short bits in between their comedy sketches.Originally, the Deep Thoughts bits featured the voice of Phil Hartman (RIP) in the introduction, then Jack Handey, REAL GUY, would read the surprising, iconic, and always hilarious statements.